First Steps: Taking Charge Of My Life

Since the late summer, I have lost over 125 lbs, regained a great deal of lost mobility, and haven’t felt
this great in a long time. It helps that I had a great deal of weight to lose. My highest recorded
weight was 576 lbs, and I am now below 450 lbs. I can confidently attest that A Foot Above Fitness is
the place to be to get on better footing on improving your health.

About me

I was, and still am, in an incredibly dire circumstance. I put on a great deal of weight over the last
decade, but especially over the last few years. I reached a size that many people rarely even see.
Over the years, I attempted to make progress but things kept getting in the way. I felt helpless and
demoralized. My mobility and ability to do even basic things had almost entirely diminished. It got
to the point where I was everything but bed-ridden.

“How did I get so big?” you may ask. You can read the long answer, but the short story is that a
mixture of denial, helplessness and shame kept me gaining weight. As my situation became more
dire I was forced to face reality. I resolved to tackle my problems head-on, but I was mostly flailing
and not making real progress. What I thought was one issue was actually a constellation of troubles
that I needed to work on.

I knew I needed to become more active, so I originally started swimming. This would
help me regain a bit of my mobility and maintain it. This was the first step that helped me begin to
believe that at least some of my problems were fixable. I would try to resolve other problems as
well, like sleep and eating habits with mixed results.

I had a new habit of reading a self-help book at the beginning of the year. On the second year I read
Dr Peter Breggin’s book Guilt, Shame and Anxiety: Overcoming Legacy Emotions. It helped me a great
deal with facing reality while also finding hope in a very bleak situation. This equipped me to begin
really making progress. I was beginning to recognize that while I can’t fix everything all at once, I
could address many of the emotional forces driving me to lose control of my eating.

I was beginning to recognize that I would need to change a great deal to truly make progress.
Instead of settling for what small changes were within my comfort zone, it became clear that I needed to
get more serious help. Fortunately, I ended up watching an advertisement for A Foot Above Fitness.
The Google Maps reviews were quite interesting. Confident that this was the right gym in Ottawa to
get help, I inquired about personal training for somebody my size.

Putting my best foot forward

It had been years since I set foot in a gym. Dipping my toe into this environment was a little
daunting. I had never had personal training before and can admit to being quite nervous starting
out. Zachary, my trainer, was very approachable and helpful. He is an excellent guide for many
things I needed to understand and put into practice.

One of the biggest emotional challenges I had was escaping a torrent of defeatist self-hatred
swirling in my own mind. It is difficult to overstate the benefits of being surrounded by kind and
encouraging people for a change. A Foot Above Fitness from the very beginning felt like a place for
me to grow into a strong, capable person. Many large people like myself are nervous to set foot into
gyms, but I can report that I very quickly felt welcomed and encouraged by staff and patrons alike.

Because I certainly stick out, all the staff and regulars recognize me quite a bit. I used to be afraid to
be seen, but now I am always looking forward to the pleasant greetings and small-talk I have with
people at the gym. I fondly remember the other trainers David and Eric proactively checking in with
me and offering kind words of encouragement. I’m always pleased to see Curd when I’m at the
gym, because I can’t sneak past him without him taking the time to share some kindness. I still
haven’t quite gotten Matei and Christian’s names straight, but I’m working on it! I’ve appreciated
both of them taking time to share some kind words of support. Nicole never fails to bring charm
and encouragement from the front desk. I’m incredibly grateful to have met many wonderful
people at the gym and can’t recommend the environment enough.

The first strides

Beginning to get stronger was quite the challenge. I realized in my first session that even standing
up for the full duration of it was its own challenge. Walking for even short distances was still difficult.
Growing strong is a lot of discomfort and a lot of learning. Starting out had me overwhelmed with
uncertainty. Zachary and I started small and we built up a foundation for transforming my life.
He coached me a great deal about how to make many of the changes I needed to actually begin to
not only lose weight, but become stronger. I now feel more confident in being able to make any
necessary changes moving forward. To this day I’m still surprised with the creative new challenges
he finds to push my limits. Relatively simple movements gradually gave way to more standard
techniques and I began to notice the changes.

After the first month I was able to get off the floor unassisted. Being on the ground for various
exercises was no longer an embarrassing troublesome ordeal but now one of many things I’m
hoping to get better at. I’m now even able to hold a plank for half a minute. At my size, this certainly
feels like an accomplishment.

Day to day, the kindness and encouragement at the gym may not feel like a big deal, but over time
it’s certainly a huge help. I pleased to say I’m never nervous to walk into A Foot Above Fitness, but
rather merely anxious about bringing my best. The welcoming and encouraging environment goes
a long way to sustain me over the difficult times.

There is inspiration everywhere. There are much older women who are able to do feats that are
quite out of reach for me. I regularly see people doing exercises that currently feel impossible to
even attempt. I’m excited for the opportunity to learn and grow to do things that are still just out of
reach. I’ve come so far that I’m confident I can get to that point eventually.

It should go without saying that going from over 570 lbs to under 450 is a life-changing endeavor. I
am no longer trapped by my own body, and it’s an immense relief. I feel capable in many ways I
feared I never would be again. I’ve learned so much on this journey, I feel like an entirely different
person than I did even a year ago. I am now working to get better at lunges, which took quite a bit
of time to work up to.

Embracing the process can be daunting at first, but I can’t think of a better place to step into
transforming your life. There’s a wide variety of equipment for so many different activities. The
sauna is great for staying warm during these Winter months. Spending time at the gym has done
wonders for my stress management and overall mental well-being.

It’s not always easy. Turning my life around has been incredibly challenging and has tested me in
many ways I didn’t expect. I am grateful for the whole community at A Foot Above Fitness for truly
helping me along the way. This community has shown me what’s possible when we take ourselves
to the next level and encourage others to do the same. I have learned a lot from the great people
I’ve met at the gym.

Looking Forward

While losing over 125 lbs has helped me a great deal, I’m far from finished. I have at least another
250 lbs to lose to reach a healthy body weight. I am excited to leap into new activities I can take on
as I continue to make progress. I’m really only beginning to make the changes I want, and there will
be many more exciting challenges to take on once I’m done. I’m thrilled at the prospect of having
the chance to reach new heights of strength I never reached before.

Becoming stronger and more capable has helped me regain my mental and emotional footing.
Despite weight loss being majorly driven by eating choices, the regular exercise is doing me a great
deal of good. I feel in more control of my life now that I am beginning to build up mental strength
to take on my many problems. Feeling hunger or pain is no longer a crisis to panic over. I can now
confidently withstand the many pressures as I remain focused on my goals.

I am convinced that anyone can benefit from becoming at least a bit stronger or flexible. My own
mobility gains have helped me be more productive at taking care of myself. The independence is
incredibly gratifying. I stand taller knowing that I can stay upright on my own two feet. I feel
blessed to have had the opportunity to build myself back up.

The benefits of having a great community of hard-working and knowledgeable people are
innumerable. I never would have guessed how much of a difference it makes. People regularly tell
me I’m inspiring which is quite a lot to hear. I never expected I would get so much positive
affirmation from so many people by taking this all on. People are understanding and kind in ways
that will surprise you. I am eager to make them all proud!

I fully expect to continue to lose weight at a rapid pace. I have an ambitious target of losing 200 lbs
this year, and my time at the gym will be an invaluable part of this mission. Throughout this journey,
I’ve learned that what I often assume is impossible is very much within reach with enough
consistency and effort. Having the right environment does wonders for making it attainable, and I
can’t think of a better place than A Foot Above Fitness.

I regularly share updates of my journey. You can follow my story on Micro-dosing Failure or my personal
website.